8/19/2009 - by Tyler Wirth,
Owner/Editor HumorInfusion.com
Study Reveals Four Out of
Five Dentists Recommend Kicking the Crap Out of the
Fifth
A new study sanctioned by the
National American Dental Association (NADA) revealed an
interesting discovery on what most consider a well-known
marketing angle for oral-hygiene
products.
The NADA administered the
marketing study in 2008 and revealed the findings this past
week.
The
study looked at a variety of toothpaste, mouthwash, floss, and
other related oral-hygiene products. As is
usually the case, four out of five dentists recommended a
particular brand while the fifth did not.
What
the NADA didn’t expect, however, is that a record number of
dentists actually completed the “Additional Comments” field
in the study (another study is currently under way to
determine whether or not the economic slowdown is
responsible for the anomaly giving dentists more time to
complete this normally-left-blank piece of the
study).
Given the abnormal amount of additional comments from the
dentists, the NADA was left with little choice but to
actually read them.
Astoundingly,
80% of the additional comments indicated that the 20% of
dentists who did not side with the other 80% of dentists,
were jerks and that no one in the office liked
them.
Moreover, if given the opportunity, the same 80% of dentists
recommended “kicking the crap out of” the non-believer
dentists.
As if
these findings weren’t momentous enough, it was reported
that four out of five of the disliked dentists were
nicknamed “Chip.” The NADA
was further surprised to learn that of the dentists named
Chip, four out of five drank too much at last year’s
Christmas party and ended up spiking the punch with a
generic brand of mouthwash. These
Christmas party incidents, in four of the five reported
cases, caused 80% of the attendees to become
ill.
One
of the NADA-sanctioned study participants (name omitted but
a safe bet it was not “Chip”) who witnessed one of the
Christmas party incidents had this to say about the
terrifying experience:
“Well, as soon as (name omitted but a safe
bet it was “Chip”) showed up, he couldn’t stop blabbing on and
on.
You know, ‘Aquafresh
this, Aquafresh that,’ it was
ridiculous.
That poor Crest rep
looked so mad he could spit.
Anyway, when we
confronted (name omitted), he started emptying a bottle
of generic mouthwash into the punch.
Come on,
generic?
Really?!?
Who does
that?
I remember clearly
when the police had him pinned to the ground trying to
get the cuffs on, he kept screaming something like ‘one
out of five rules!’
I still hear that
when I try to sleep at night.”
In a
follow-up statement to last year’s study, the NADA has
indicated that all “Additional Comment” sections will be
removed from future marketing-related study
questionnaires.
Now, I know you're asking what on Earth posessed me to write
this? Absolutely nothing, other than coming up with the
headline as a one-liner just to be funny. I just
finally decided there needed to be a story behind
it.
For me,
humorous writing is a GREAT outlet and way for me to
get lost in what I'm doing versus getting lost in all
the crud happens around us. Maybe writing isn't
your gig, but at least now you know that it's okay to
get lost in something you like doing as a means to escape
just getting
lost.
Humor Infusion
Recommended
Reading:
Hilarity Now,
Stand-Up Comedy
Secrets,
More
Fun, Less Parenting
Method
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